This weekend, the Hubby and I attended a farewell party for a friend and colleague who, after many years in the reserves, has decided to volunteer for service in Afghanistan. While I have mixed feelings about that, I respect this man very much and wish him good luck and a safe return.
At this party there were many interesting people. The Hubby and I were delighted to be at a (grown-up) party where there were people that we did not know - bizarre how that has ceased to be a regular part of our experiences in recent years. Among the attendees were a group of neighbourhood women, adorably named The Brooklawn Babes. These are a group of middle-aged women (mostly in their late 40's, early 50's) who know each other from their neighbourhood and who are friends. These women have collectively and individually experienced the myriad of of joys and adversities that people go through - death, divorce, and remarriage. Physical illness, mental illness, alcoholism. Child birth and child rearing (including teenagers), starting new careers and disciplines of study, and probably any others you can think of. The remarkable thing about these women though, is not their experiences - as I've said they are fairly common to everyday people, but the sheer fabulousness of them as individuals and as a group. Frankly, they're the sexiest middle-aged women I've met.
And I'm not just talking about how they look. Yes, they were decked out in their cutest cocktail dresses and looked great in them (yes, by the way, my standard for greatness at 50 is different from my standard for greatness at 20 or 30), but what was so fierce about them was their attitudes. The Confidence! My God! One could not help but notice how fabulous these women were and they knew it! There was no shame there. Just what seemed like total confidence.
And why not? In their 20's women seem to have a recklessness about them that sometimes plays as confidence, but I think, in many cases it is simply a mask which is meant to hide a sense of uncertainty and self-loathing. The confusion about who and what we are to ourselves and others can be overwhelming. The closer we get to our 30's the better we are able to understand ourselves and others, but now the self-loathing presents as a fear of aging. We are just finally starting to get our shit together, and now we're going to start sagging and bagging. How can anyone possible appreciate or respect us when we're not gorgeous?!
In our 30's we realize the folly of this, but still can't help ourselves. We are heavily targeted by the media and despite loving families, friends and/or partners we are critical of our outsides, even as our insides are slowing moving toward the fabulousness that will be our middle age. While it's true that (for many of us) our bodies take on a utilitarian nature during this decade that does not necessarily promote a sense of sexiness, our station in life as partners, leaders, and supporters does. But this is just the beginning.
Soon, we will be 40. We will be established more soundly in our jobs, lives and communities like we have not been before. We will have a sense of who we are and what we want for ourselves and our families that we have not had before. And yes, we will have sagging bits that we have not had before. But it won't matter. The truth is, I've yet to hear anybody complain about their 40's. Middle age for a woman (and I think that our 40's are the onset of this stage) is a coming of age. While men may be having their mid-life crises, women are finally starting appreciate the power within themselves. They are coming to accept that aging happens and while it's true that things aren't necessarily looking the way they did when they were 20, it matters less and less.
This November I will be turning 33. While it's true that I cried the night I turned 20, and was less than pleased when I realized at 26 that I was closer to 30 than 20, I can honestly say that there is no trepidation about turning 40. I've always suspected (and The Brooklawn Babes confirmed it for me this weekend) that aging (for men and women) is all in your head. If having another candle on your cake makes you want to through yourself off a bridge, then you need to think again.
Confidence is what makes you sexy. The respect and admiration of your peers and loved ones is what makes you hot. And if that's not enough, then chances are, by the time you turn 40, you'll be able to afford to lift, tuck or suck out whatever it is that's bugging you!
4 comments:
Okay, but seriously. I have a bone to pick here. You're married to a man that you love, have a beautiful baby, a house, and a job that makes you happy.
Hmmm... 33 for me, is like ack, one more year closer to that age where I'm completely infertile, no prospects in sight, and can't afford a house in the city I live in on a single income, and will likely die a long slow lonely death because I'll outlive all my friends, and will remain childless.
Sorry, I had to add the opposing argument, just for some perspective on the situation.
Women in their 20s may be at their prettiest, in the sort of way that a picture is pretty, but it's the older women who are the sexiest and most appealing. It's their confidence and life experience that makes them attractive.
Trippy Gal, I completely understand what you're saying. But the women who inspired this entry were not without their own problems. I happen to know for a fact that you're gorgeous, intelligent and great with a budget. I don't think there's cause for desperation yet.
And if you're feeling desperate, then maybe check out what Mike said - it's your confidence that will land you your dream guy, not your plump ovaries!
The below essay is widely purported to be by Andy Rooney of 60 Minutes - it's not but it's still hilarious and true. Coincidentally, a friend of mine sent it to me at work yesterday.
""As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting. Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it. Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her. Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?", here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!"
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