We have an agreement. During weekday visits, I pick up the step-monkey in the afternoon and drop her off the next morning. For weekend visits, the Harpy drops her off and picks her up from our house.
I have a car. It took me a long time to pay for my car. I continue to pay gobs of money to keep my car running and operating in a safe manner.
The Harpy does not have a car. The Harpy seems to think that whenever it's too much trouble for her to haul her giant arse up to our house every other weekend, that I should do it instead.
Take this weekend for example. This weekend is a long weekend. That means that since Friday is a stat holiday, she is responsible for bringing the step-monkey up to our place on Thursday evening and picking her up on Sunday evening. Is there any chance that she just might do what she's supposed to do? Of course not.
It never fails that when a visitation falls on a long weekend, she will ask for my husband to give up at least half of his time with his daughter so that she can take her up to see her family in Belleville. (Note: I hate her fat, stupid, backward family -- and feel that the less time step-monkey spends with them, the better.)
Fine. We'll be in Port Hope on Saturday night, she can pick her up after dinner.
Then of course dropping her off becomes an issue. Harpy wants to go to Belleville on Thursday night and it will be too late for her to drop off step-monkey and make it back down to the train station, so naturally, she wants ME to take care of it. I cannot. I have made plans because she told us (bizarrely) that she would be fulfilling her responsibilities herself. My husband will not be able to pick her up until almost bedtime. That's no good. She will not budge. I hate her.
My husband and the Harpy make arrangements for him to pick the child up as soon as I get back with the car. Harpy wins again.
But wait, two days later, she calls back and says that her employer (don't get me started on how under-employed the woman is!) has changed her plans, so that she will now be able to drop step-monkey off at the regular time. Hoorah!
Here's the thing. I could probably have gone and picked step-monkey up and brought her home with me. It wouldn't have been that hard, and likely would have been more pleasant for her as well, but when I think about the two years we spent in court, coming to the agreement that we now have and that she disregards whenever it doesn't suit her purposes; when I think about the tens of thousands of dollars in debt we became because she was unwilling to be grown-up about the entire process, when I think about how f-ing lazy that stupid cow is and how she always expects us (read: ME) to pick up her slack, well, I just can't help but dig my heels in a bit.
I know that my stubborn behaviour does not and cannot improve the situation. I know this. I know that by being a Jack-hole to her, I am sucking up bad Karma like it's going out of style. I know that I become a worse person when I am unable to be the bigger person. But I also know that she will continue to take advantage of me, of us, for as long as we let her, and that sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes, we must put our collective foot down and demand that she be the responsible adult she should be.
The problem is, the Harpy is the kind of person who feels like the world owes her something. In particular, we owe her something. That because we work hard and try to be responsible adults, it is somehow our job to make up for her shortcomings (of which she has many, but will admit to none). She has set up a situation whereby we are better off to ask How high? when she demands that we jump; so that we may avoid unpleasant and unnecessary arguments. It's a vicious cycle. The more we do it, the more she expects and demands it.
How is it possible that evil can prevail in this way???
The result on these occasions is that morale is low. To console myself, I choose to believe that what goes around comes around. So in some way, my husband and I are reaping what we have sown. But at the same time, The Harpy's wicked ways will come back to haunt her. Whether she's smart enough to realize it or not will remain to be seen.
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